We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
