i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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