i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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