She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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