why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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