ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
send nudes
from the living room?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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