Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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