god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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