Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
