What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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