I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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