Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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