Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
