god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
