I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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