my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
