do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
