I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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