Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
