I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
