I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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