he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
