He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
