When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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