Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
