Quick, to the slutcave!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
