im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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