FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
