An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
