I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
