Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
3pm strippers are depressing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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