Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
