so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
