my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
