she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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