He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
