I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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