trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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