It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
