I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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