There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She bit a glass in half.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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