Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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