She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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