I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
