So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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