Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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