Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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