Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we're making bets on your personal life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
