What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
did you just send me my own nude
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize