Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
