at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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