did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
