I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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