i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
