I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So squirting runs in the family.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
