I just threw up on my dentist
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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