i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
