I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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