A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
