She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
