I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
