Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
