he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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