i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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