Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
