just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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