we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
