I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
