and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
