i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
