WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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