bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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